


Blackbird

by MazeTrials



Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depressed Newt, Depressed Newt (Maze Runner), I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Not Happy, Sad Ending, Sad Newt (Maze Runner), Sick Newt, Worried Thomas (Maze Runner)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-10 16:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20531090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MazeTrials/pseuds/MazeTrials
Summary: Everyday Thomas watched the bullies laugh and pick at the younger girl who always had such a hurry after school had ended.He watched her run the fastest she could home, he had no idea why. Until one day he finds out that she has a brother....NewtmasMajor Trigger warnings to suicide and depression.





	Blackbird

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a tumblr post about this and just needed to write a fanfiction to it! 
> 
> I really hope you'll enjoy it

Thomas saw the little blond haired girl run through the hallway. It was the same every single day, as fast as school ended she was quickly trying to get out of the building. She was only around 13 years old and always looked so tiny. 

No one ever knew why she was in such a hurry to get away from school, most people just stared at her. It had became a daily routine since she started to go to this school about 8 months ago. From what Thomas knew she only had two friends, one girl names Harriet who she always hung around with at school, and a boy who was in Thomas math class. His name was Alby and he was really protective towards the young girl. 

Thomas really wanted to know why she was always running. She looked so scared and one time she had dropped her book and didn't bother to pick it up again. Thomas went to the principal to see where she lived and he brought the book back to her. She was the one who opened and she looked happy, not nearly as scared as she looked a few hours ago. Thomas could swear he saw someone in the window on the second floor of the white building but he was probably only imagining it.

A few weeks after that incident he found out that her name was Sonya. He found out about this because he started to befriend Alby. Thomas asked if Alby knew why she was always running out from school and he said he knew but that he wouldn't tell him. Only Sonya, Harriet and Alby was the ones in the entire school that knew. 

But Thomas hadn't been the only one who wanted to find out of course. Every day bullies tried to stop her, they almost forced her to say why she was in a hurry but Alby often came to help her, he was way more muscular than the bullies. 

***

Thomas saw the girl leap through the hallway with her jacked open and backpack hanging loose on her back. Maybe she could make it out before the bullies came? Of course she wouldn't though. When she was barely at the door a guy names Gally, he was in Thomas's grade, pushed her down on the ground. She fell and dropped all of her books on the floor. Thomas looked around to see where Alby was, he always came to rescue her. 

"What are you looking at?" Thomas friend, Minho asked. Thomas looked away from the small girl and at his Asian (very hot) friend.

"Nothing" Thomas said and smiled at Minho. Minho frowned and looked around, his gaze stopped when it reached Sonya who was trying to grab her book that Gally was holding over his head, making her unable to reach it. 

"She didn't get away from them today either" he sighed. "Where's Alby?" 

Thomas shrugged. "I havent seen him this entire day, maybe he's sick?" 

"Probably," Minho said and grabbed his backpack. The hallway was almost empty now except from Thomas, Minho, Sonya, Gally and his "friends". 

Thomas looked at the blonde haired girl again, she looked desperate. 

"I have to help her" Thomas said and started walking towards her. Minho quickly followed him. 

"Yo Gally!" Thomas yelled. Gally turned around and dropped the book on Sonyas head, she collapsed on the ground and started sobbing. "What the hell are you doing, man?!" 

"You're protectors are finally here" Gally said wickedly to the crying girl. 

"Why dont you pick on someone your own age!" Thomas yelled. "Get away from her!" 

Gally laughed sarcastically. "I'll leave, but only so you can realise how weak you are for protecting a girl who is just as weak as you" he mocked before walking away, taking his friends with him. Thimas quickly crouched down next to Sonya. She was sitting now, drying the tears from her cheeks. 

" Thank you..." she whispered and grabbed her book. Her voice was thick in a British accent.

"No problems" Thomas said and smiled kindly. "Are you okay? Does your head hurt?" 

"No, I'm okay, the book wasn't that heavy" she whispered and stood up. She looked down at her watch and her face sunk. "Crap! I missed the bus!" Thomas felt guilty for not coming to save her sooner. 

" I can give you a ride if you want to" he said. 

Sonya looked up at him, her eyes were red and puffy but the desperate feeling had filled them again. "Really?" She said hopefully. 

Thomas nodded. "Yeah I have a car! Come on" 

"Thank you so much" Sonya said. 

"Well I'll have to leave..." Minho said awkwardly. "See ya tomorrow Tommy boy" 

"Bye Min Min" Thomas laughed. Minho walked fast outside of the school building. 

"You know where I live right? Aren't you the one that helped me with my books?" 

"Yeah" Thomas smiled. "Let's get to the car" 

***

"Do you want to some music or-?" Thomas said and looked at the younger girl. She was looking out of the window, her reflection showed the desperation in her brown eyes. 

"No I'm okay," she said without looking at him." If you want to that's okay...Could you maybe...speed up a little bit or something?" 

"Yeah but I'm already driving at the max speed..." Thomas said. He looked around to see if there were any cops nearby, when he didnt see any he slowly started to drive faster. "Uhm Sonya....why-why are you always in such a hurry?" 

Sonya finally looked at him. Her eyes were watery and she looked so desperate Thomas wanted to hug her. "I just...I have something waiting for me home and I can't be home too late... " 

"You're parents arent mean if you come home late, right?" Thomas was starting to get worried. What if she had a bad home? "They don't hit or abuse you or anything?" 

Sonya shook her head. "No no" she said. " My parents love me, they aren't abusive or anything like that," 

"Oh, good" Thomas said and breathed out. "If that was the case I could've helped you though...You shouldn't be dealing with Gally and those jerks on your own." 

"Well, we can't change that right..." Sonya whispered and looked outside of the window again. 

"Maybe we can?" Thomas said and Sonya looked at him, confused. "What?" 

"I can drive you home every day. It'll take much shorter time than taking the bus and you can come home much faster! What do you say?" 

"But...dont you want to come home earlier?" Sonya whispered. 

"No, time is time, I dont care about it" Thomas smiled at Sonya. "What do you say?" 

She frowned and looked at him, then smiled. "Okay, thank you Thomas," 

Thomas smiled back at her. Then he stopped the car, the house he stopped by was a normal house. Two floors, white, a balcony, a swing set. It was a normal familt house. Thomas looked to his side and saw Sonya already leaving the car, she didn't say anything, the fastest she could she ran inside of the house. 

Thomas frowned. He knew that he would find out somehow. But he respected Sonya for not telling him or anyone else she didn't fully trust. Slowly, Thomas started to drive back home. 

***

Every single day after that Thomas drove Sonya home. He tried to learn her schedule so he could meet her after her last class of the day but when he didn't make it in time and Gally had already found her, he quickly helped her get away from him. Gally knew he couldn't mess with Thomas for two reasons (1. Thomas knew Alby so he would kick Gallys ass and 2. Thomas's dad was a cop) 

Thomas and Sonya had a great time during their little "roadtrips" every day. They started to talk more and learn about each others. The more Thomas got to know the girl, the more he realised how much he adored the younger girl. Not in a wierd "I'm in love with a 13 year old creepy way or so". No he just liked how she was. She was a happy person, an Earthy person. She loved the nature, the sea, the trees. Thomas was fascinated about how much she was amazed by the world around her. She loved animals, and apparently she had had a horse back in England. She was a vegetarian and loved every little thing in the world. 

She also loved to dance. She danced ballet before her family moved here but now she hadn't found a course that was open. 

Thomas and Sonya also found out they had a lot in common. They both loved older music and history. Their favourite class was biology and both of them wanted to be a therapist when they grow up. 

Sometimes when they drove home, the only thing they did was listening to music, it could be anything, mostly older though. Bob Marley, The Beatles, Queen, Elvis Presley, Roy Orbinson, Michael Jackson. They often sang along to the songs. Sonya voice was actually really beautiful, she could match almost every song note and it sounded really amazing in Thomas ears. 

Thomas hadn't found out about the thing that waited for Sonya at home though. He never asked her, he knew that she would tell him when the time was right. And only a few weeks later....it was.

***

Thomas started the engine of the car while Sonya fastened her seatbelt. 

"How was school?" He asked.

"Good!" Sonya said. For some reason she looked extra happy today. 

"Has anything interesting happened?" Thomas said and smiled. He started driving out from the school parking lot. 

"Maybe something..." Sonya giggled. Thomas glanced at her and laughed. 

"Do you want to tell me?" 

"Okay!" She exclaimed. "I got accepted to a ballet class!!!" Her eyes were shining and she was smiling the biggest smile Thomas had ever seen on her. 

"Really?!" He said. "That is freaking awesome Sonya! I'm so proud of you!!" Thomas smiled again at her before looking at the road. 

" I found out this morning and I'm starting already tomorrow!" Her face sunk a little. "...I want to ask you something...?" 

"Of course Sonya. You can ask me anything. What is it?" 

"My parents are working late every day, and I have dance directly after school to 5 PM...and I need someone to be home...so I was wondering if...-" 

"I could do that instead?" Thomas finished the sentence. Sonya nodded. "Of course I will...But you have to tell me why?" 

"I know..." Sonya said and took a deep breath. "And I will." Thomas looked at her, he was finally going to know....

"I have a brother," Sonya started. "He is 17 and his name is Newt. He had a rough pass in London. He was bullied a lot. People said things to him, wrote things on his locker, they physically assaulted him multiple times. He became broken thanks to them. He was born with a leg problem. His right leg never really worked and he have this limp. Thanks to that he was the weakest and he became their victim. It got so bad he stopped eating, sleeping or do anything productive. He skipped school, cried himself to sleep...having really dark thoughts. Me mum took him to a doctor and he diagnosed him with depression plus other mental disorders like eating disorders, insomnia and all that. My parents tried to do all they could to make him better but it didn't work. We moved here for a new start but nothing have change. He barely does anything at all, he is...well....suicidal. and every day I am in a hurry because I'm afraid to find him hanging from the ceiling or lying in a pool of his own blood. I can't lose him....So there you have it...that's why I am always hurrying..." 

Thomas could barely focus on the road in front of him. He didn't know what to say or think. What Sonya was going through, what her brother was going through....no one should have to go through that..no child should feel desperate to kill themself and no child should be scared to find their brother dead. "Sonya I'm...I'm so sorry...I had no idea..." 

"It's okay," Sonya whispered. "It's not your fault. But since I'm dancing, two times a week on Mondays and wednesdays, it would mean a lot to me if you would be with him on those days....can you do that, please?" 

Thomas looked at her and nodded. "Of course!" He said. "I promise I wont let anything bad happen to him as long as I am with him..."

Sonya looked at the brown haired boy and smiled. "Thank you. I know it's probably a lot to ask for but...I really can't lose him. Before he became depressed he was my hero, he did everything for me..." 

"Does he...Sonya, does he cut?" Thomas asked. He wanted to know if he did. 

She shook her heard. "No...Dealing with the depression has never made him feel like cutting but he do self harm in other ways by not eating nor sleeping, sometimes banging his head against the wall...but cut...no" 

"I'll take care of him" Thomas whispered and stopped the car outside of the house. 

"Wait here for just a few moments, I'll come back out!" she jumped out of the car and ran into the house. Thomas watched her leave and then he just sat there, inside of the blue van. 

It only took a few minutes before Somya ran back outside. She waved at Thomas to come out. He opened the car door and buckled up his seatbelt. 

"Come on!" Sonya said excitedly. "He wants to meet you! Is that okay with you?" 

"Uhm...yeah, sure!" Thomas said and stepped outside. Sonya grabbed his wrist and led him in to the house. The inside looked normal, on the first floor there was a small kitchen, a big living room, a closed door that Thomas guessed was a bathroom and an office. Sonya led him up the stairs to the second floor, they passed a room that Thomas guesses was Sonyas. The walls were blue and pictures of animals and nature was hanging on them. He caught a glimpse of a frame that was sitting on her desk. It was a family picture with four people. A blonde haired woman who Thomas guess was the mother, a brown haired man that Thomas guessed was the dad, beside them was two children, Sonya looked a few years younger, she had a big smile and a tooth was missing. Beside her a boy was standing, he had dirty blond hair and deep brown eyes. He was tall and slim. In the picture he smiled and held a hand on his sister's shoulder. 

Sonya saw what he was looking at. "That's my family" she said. "It was taken before it got bad," 

Thomas nodded. "I'm sorry all that happened to you" 

"Dont be," Sonya said." Let me show you my brother!" She continue to drag him until they stopped at a closed white door. Sonya quickly opened it, she dragged Thomas inside with her. Thomas had imagined the room to be dark and messy, but that wasn't the case. The walls were white, the wooden floor had a grey carpet lying over it. There was a desk under the window. On the desk there was a computer and a lamp. On the wall there was hanging a guitar and bass guitar with an amp under it. It looked like a normal room. But something was off, it was too cleaned, too untouched. 

Thomas looked at the bed and saw someone lying on the white, clean sheets. It was a boy, he was unbelievable thin and skinny. He had pale skin and dirty blond hair. His brown eyes were just staring into nothing. He was wearing a white hoodie and blue Jean's. On the nightstand a new phone was lying. 

"Hey Newtie..." Sonya whispered and sat down beside her brother. He looked up at her and his gaze was filled with the biggest desperation Thomas had seen his entire life. 

"Hey..." Newt whispered. 

"I have a friend with me! Thomas y'know!" Sonya giggled. "You want to meet him, right?" Newt didn't move. Thomas felt awkward. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all? 

Slowly Newt sat up and he looked at Thomas. "Hi," he said. It was a simple word but Thomas felt like it could've been a million. So many things were just said in that word. "I'm Newt..." 

"Hey," answered Thomas and walked a bit towards the siblings. "I'm Thomas...its nice to meet you Newt," 

"Nice to meet you too..." his voice was shaking and he moved his gaze down on the floor. 

"Thomas is going to stay with you while I'm away dancing, okay? You'll have fun with him. He can help you with your online classes." Sonya smiled comforting at Newt. He nodded but wouldn't look up at her. "You'll be great friends!" 

Suddenly Thomas phone rang. He quickly answered and it was his mother who was screaming over that she was so worried that he hadn't come home yet. He quickly assured her that he would be home at any minute before putting his phone back in his pocket. 

"Uhm...I'm sorry but I have to go now" he said. 

"That's okay," Sonya said and smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow in school. And Newt will see you next week on Monday, okay?" She looked at Newt, waiting for him to nodd. He finally did. 

"Good, I'm looking forward to it Newt!" Thomas said before leaving. "See you tomorrow Sonya." Right before he started walking down the stairs he heard a tiny voice whisper "I don't wanna be with him" 

***

"Hey Thomas!" Sonya yelled. Thomas closed his locker and looked up. The blonde hair girl stood right beside him. She was holding a pair of pink ballet shoes in her left hand. 

"Hey Sonya," Thomas said. "First dance class today?" 

Sonya nodded enthusiastically. "I was just wondering if you're okay with staying with Newt again?" 

"Yeah," Thomas said. "It'll be...fun. I know this sound stupid but when I first met him I thought his room would be kinda dark...or I dont know. It's stupid, I know" 

"It's not stupid," Sonya said. "A lot of people probably think like that. But that's the weird part. The only think he does is cleaning his room, he never use anything of his things, except his phone, he always cleans his room. Every day. It seems like that's the only thing that keeps him...sane..." Sonya frowned and looked down at her shoes before looking up at Thomas. 

"Oh..." Thomas whispered.

"Okay I have to go to the bus, but you'll have a great time with Newt, bye!" She quickly ran away. 

"Bye..." Thomas whispered. He didn't really look forward to spend this day with Newt. And what he had heard the blond boy say when they had met, Thomas didnt think Newt looked forward to be with Thomas for 3 hours, two times a week. But who knows? Maybe they would become friends? 

***

Thomas saw the ordinary white house approaching. He could feel his heart beating in his chest and he bit his lip. He couldn't screw this up now. He stopped his blue jeep and jumped out. He locked it and slowly walked towards the black wooden door. He pushed down the handle and stepped inside. It looked ordinary, just like when Thomas had been here the first time. He took of his jacket and hung it up on a hook on the wall. Then he quickly walked up the stairs.

He stopped outside the white door that led to Newts room. He slowly pulled down the handle and opened it. Thomas let out a breath when he saw that the blond boy was in there. He was sitting on a chair beside his desk, staring down at a paper that looked to only have some weird lines over it. 

Newt looked up when he saw the door open but he quickly looked down at the paper again. 

"Hi there," Thomas whispered closing the door behind him. Newt didn't answer. He continues to stare at the paper. "You remember me, right?" Still no response. "How was your day?" 

Newt looked up, but he didn't meet Thomas gaze. He stared beside Thomas, out of the window. Thomas sighed. Newt clearly didnt want him here. Thomas was just about to pull out his phone and text Sonya when the blond boy spoke.

" It was okay..." it was a whisper. His voice was raspy and dark but he didn't sound angry or so. "How...how was your?" 

"It was alright, boring though. School y'know," Thomas sighed and sat down on the perfectly folded bed sheets. 

Newt huffed. "I barely remember school..." he whispered. He looked back down at the paper. 

Thomas swallowed. "Uhm...what did you do today?" 

"N-nothing," Newt stuttered out. "Just...cleaning" it was whisper. 

"Okay..." Thomas said. He felt awkward. What was he going to talk to with Newt? " Have you drawn something?" He nodded at the paper that was lying in front of Newt. 

Newt quickly shook his head. "No, no, that's nothing," he quickly said and crumpled the paper; he threw it in the white garbage can. Thomas saw that a flash of regret covered Newts face for a split second before it turned back to the normal sad expression. 

The two boys continued to just stare at nothing. Thomas took out his phone end saw that he had a text from Minho. He had asked Thomas where he was. Thomas quickly texted back that he was at a friends house. 

When he looked back up he saw that Newt was glancing at him. But when their eyes met Newt quickly looked away. Thomas studied Newt closer. The dirty blond hair was hanging over the deep brown eyes and the pale cheeks was almost shining in the light that came from the window. He was actually kinda pretty. 

Thomas looked away from the blond haired boy. Thomas wasn't gay! He looked at the wall, the bass guitar and acoustic guitar was hanging there. "Do you play?" He asked carefully.

"Sometimes" Newt whispered. " It depends on how I'm feeling and if I have the energy to..." 

Thomas nodded. "It's really cool! I can't play any instruments. How long have you played?" 

Newt looked back at Thomas again. His expression was confused. "D-do you really want to know?" 

"Yeah!" Thomas said and smiled. "This is so cool!" 

"I started playing acoustic guitar when I was 8 and bass guitar when I was 10...." he answered and Thomas saw his eyes light up. He could see that Newt liked playing music. 

"That's just awesome!' Thomas said. Newt looked back at the now empty desk, he wasn't smiling but Thomas thought he saw something close to one. 

They didn't talk much after that. Thomas played on his phone and Newt continued to stare forward. When the door downstairs opened and Thomas heard Sonyas voice yell that she was home, he let out a relived breathe. 

The younger girl ran upstairs and entered Newts room. "Hi Newtie, hi Thomas! You can go home now. Thank you for being here!" Sonya smiled at the brown haired boy who quickly stood up. 

"No problems," Thomas said. "I'll see you on Friday Newt" the boy didn't answer. He only whispered two barely audible words to Thomas that no one heard. "Thank you"

***

The second time they met Thomas decided to get to know Newt more. They were going to be with each others for a long time so they couldn't just sit quiet. But if Thomas plan didn't work, he brought a book to read. It would at least be better than only using his phone. 

"Hey Newt!" Thomas smiled when he saw Newt who was sitting on the floor beside his bed. He looked empty and was staring into nothing. He looked up at Thomas when he came inside but didn't say anything. 

" How are you today?" Thomas sat down beside Newt, he saw the boy flinch and it looked like he got even smaller. 

"F-fine..." he whispered, not meeting Thomas gaze. "It was f-fine," the boy seemed anxious and he was doing weird things with his hand. 

" Cool..." Thomas whispered. He knew that the boy was lying. He definitely wasn't fine. "Are you sure...?" 

Newt nodded. "Yes..." he stuttered, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. "What about y-you?" 

"Oh I'm good" Thomas said. "Thanks for asking. School is like hell though. Class after class, it's boring and I have some trouble keeping up with everyone else. The teachers say I talk to much during the lessons but I don't belive them. I mean, I dont talk that much, right?" 

Newt didnt answer him but this time he looked at Thomas. His facial expression was unreadable. 

"However..." Thomas said. "We are going to spend many afternoons together so we should get to know each others. What's your favourite colour?" 

It took a few seconds before Newt answered. "White..." he whispered. 

"I like that too, but my favourite one is actually green. It's the best color! Why do you like white?" 

"It's light and...when everything seems black...the white is the thing that can lead you b-back to the light...Even if you're in the darkest place..." 

Thomas stared at Newt. That was the most he had ever said to him and it was beautiful. "That is really deep..." Thomas whispered. Newt looked up at him, his eyes were blank but a little light was shown in them. He looked back down. 

"What's your favourite animal?" Thomas whispered. 

"Birds..." the blond boy answered. "All kinds of birds..." 

"Is there a reason for that?" 

"They are so free...they can use their wings to fly away and start over. They dont have to worry about anything...There is a song I know called b-blackbird...it's beautiful..." Thomas saw a spark lit up Newts eyes. "It's my favourite..." 

Thomas smiled. Something about how Newt looked when he talked about this made his heart warm. He wanted the boy to look like this all the time. The deep dark brown eyes sparked and even though he wasn't smiling Thomas thought he looked happy. 

"I want to fly too...sometimes," Newt whispered and his eyes quickly darkened. "I really want to fly...But...but right now my wings are broken...and I can't learn how to use them..." 

Thomas didn't know what Newt was talking about but it felt like Newt was devastated because of this. He looked up at Thomas. "I'm sorry..." he had tears in his eyes and his lips was shaking. He looked like a toddler who just had his favourite toy taken away from him. 

"Dont be sorry," Thomas said. "That was meaningful and deep Newt," 

They say quiet for a few moments before Thomas said anything. He took his book and showed it to Newt. "Have you read this?" He asked. 

Newt looked at the book, his eyes wide. He slowly nodded. "Yes...t-that is my favourite book I've read..." 

"Mine too!" Thomas said. "I'm re reading it and I've almost forgotten how good it was! Who is your favourite character?" 

Newt looked up at Thomas and met his eyes, that sparkle was back. He quickly said the name of the main character. 

"Mine too!" Thomas said. "She is so badass and just so cool!" 

"Yeah!" Newt said. He wasn't smiling but his eyes showed him how excited he felt. "I like how she takes care of everyone she loves!" 

Thomas nodded enthusiastically. "I know right!" 

Their eyes met and Thomas smiled. He saw another light enter Newts eyes before the blonde boy quickly looked away and blushed. Thomas thought it looked adorable. 

The rest of the time there they talked about the book. Newt was speaking more to Thomas than he ever had done before and Thomas really started to like Newt. He was a great person behind that depressed mask. When Thomas left Newt almost looked sad and Thomas couldn't belive that he actually looked forward to spend another day with Newt! 

***

The third time they met, Thomas saw Newt smile for the first time. He had brought the book again and they continued to talk about that one and the two others in the trilogy. Newt spoke more and he didn't stutter so much anymore. He looked happier.

But when Thomas started reading out loud Newts favourite part from the book, Thomas could see in the corner of his eyes how Newts face lit up and a tiny smile appeared. Thomas quickly looked up and he saw how beautiful Newts face looked before it returned to the shallow mask. Thomas wanted to see the smile forever. 

When he had to go Newt walked Thomas to the door this time, he showed a noticeable limp but Thomas didn't question it. Sonya had told him what it was from after all. He was so happy to see that Newt felt more comfortable with him. 

***

The fourth time day met, Thomas saw Newt having his first breakdown. Sonya had warned him before he left school that Newt had a tough day and that he probably would be more depressed than ever. Thomas speed the fastest way he could to the house and he ran inside. 

"Newt!" He called out. No answer. Thomas hurried up the stairs and almost broke Newts door crashing in to it. Newt was lying on the ground. His hair was messy and his room wasn't as clean as it used to be. Thomas could hear sobs coming from Newts body and he looked almost...defeated. 

"Newt...?" Thomas whispered. "Hey...are you okay?" He knew what the answer was but he didn't know what to say. The blond boy didn't move. He continues to cry. Thomas only stood awkwardly in the corner. 

"P-please...go" Newt pleaded. He tried to move but collapsed onto the ground and more tears streamed down his face. Thomas quickly crouched down to him and shook his head.

"I'm not leaving you like this!" He said and tried to pull up Newt so he was sitting at least. 

"G-get away from m-me!" Newt yelled and tried to get out from Thomas grip but he was too strong. "Leave me alone!" 

"I cant leave you Newt!" Thomas said. "I'm sorry, okay? What's wrong?" 

Newt sobbed even louder and Thomas felt like his arms would give out, holding Newt. 

"Everything is wrong Tommy!" He yelled. "I'm just a burden to my family! Nobody wants me. You're only here because my sister would've broken her dreams if not! I'm ugly, disgusting and a worthless peoce of shit! No one would care if Im just gone. No one, Tommy!" Newt broke down in another fit of sobs and Thomas heart broke watching him. He did the only thing he could do; he pulled Newt into a big hug. He wrapped his arms around the fragile boy and held him close to his chest. 

"You're not, Newt!" He said. "You're not worthless or a burden! You're beautiful. I like you and you're my friend! Don't every say that again!" 

"You're only here because Sonya wants to fulfill her dream!" Newt yelled. "You're not my friend. Nobody is! Who would want to be friend with a stupid and weak boy who can barely even get up in the mornings!?" Newt tried to get away from Thomas embrace but the brown haired boy held him close. He hated hearing Newt say those stuffs about himself! 

"Newt stop!" Thomas yelled back. "I'm not only here because Sonya needs to dance, I'm here to make a new friend. I don't care if you're weak or so. As long as you have a nice heart and I know it's cheesy but you do, Newt! You're heart is beautiful!" Thomas whispered the last part. 

They feel quiet for a few moments until Newt had stopped sobbing, now silent tears was only streaming down his cheeks. "I'm a mess...." he whispered, his voice completely empty of emotions.

"I don't care" Thomas said. "I'm never going to care about what happened to you, as long as I am here to stop it from happening again...And, I brought the movie with me...Do you think we can watch it?" 

Newt slowly sat up and looked at Thomas. His eyes was red and puffy and his whole body trembled. But his gaze was warm. "Yes" he smiled. 

***

The fifth time they met, Newt was already waiting in the hall for Thomas. 

"Hey Tommy!" He exclaimed when Thomas opened the door. Newts eyes was shining and he was smiling. 

"Hey Newt!" Thomas said and smiled back. "You seem happy today? Why is that?" He hung of his coat and walked to Newts room with the blond boy after him. 

"Well...you're here..." Newt blushed. "Im happy now when you're here" 

Thomas couldn't t help but smile. He had made Newt feel comfortable around him. The blond boy started to like Thomas. 

When Thomas entered Newts room he saw the guitar lying on the bed. 

"You played?" He asked. Sonya had told him that Newt hadn't played much at all since he got bad. 

"Yeah..." Newt murmured. "I felt the need to see how much I still remember..." he sat down beside the instrument and smiled at it. 

"And how much do you remember?" Thomas asked and sat down on the chair behind the desk. 

"Everything...." Newt whispered. He brought the guitar to his chest and looked at the strings. "Uhm...do you w-want to hear...?" He stuttered. Thomas thought he looked adorable. The blond hair was hanging over his face and his brown eyes looked almost so happy they could belong to a child who just got the best Christmas gift ever! 

"Sure!" 

" Okay..." Newt whispered. "Remember the song blackbird I told you about?" Thomas nodded. "Well, it's my favourite song so I'm going to play that," he looked up to Thomas as to see if he reacted. The brown haired boy only smiled and nodded. "Go ahead" 

Newt took a deep breath before moving his fingers to the first chord. He started to pluck the strings and beautiful notes filled the room. Newt moved his left hand so quickly to change the chords that Thomas thought Newt must've practiced for months to remember all that. It sounded beautiful. But Thomas really wasn't prepared to when the boy started to sing. His voice was smooth and deep and Thomas could swear he heard Angel's. 

He stared at Newt who was looking down on his hand that was plucking the strings. It looked like he was glowing and for the first time, Thomas could see how beautiful the boy looked. The blonde haired looked like gold, the brown eyes shined like stars and the pale skin almost glowed. Thomas couldn't belive that he hadn't seen that before. But none of that mattered because Thomas wasn't gay...right? 

Thomas continued to hear the blond boy sing. One sentence caught his attention more than the other words. "Take these broken wings and learn to fly." It was a beautiful sentence and it reminded Thomas of what Newt had sad about how much he wanted to fly. But Newt had to do what the song said...he had to take the broken wings and try. 

***

"Let's play a game!" Thomas said. He was lying beside Newt on the clean bed and they were staring at the ceiling. This was the tenth time they met and they had almost started to run out if things to talk about. 

"What kind of game?" Newt asked. He had gotten a lot more happier since Thomas started seeing him. Newt was smiling and he seemed to almost be a little bit obsessed with the brown haired boy. But Thomas only thought it was cute. He was happy that they were friends. But he didn't want to be anything more with Newt. They blond boy was probably straight anyway. 

"I don't know...like we each take a turn to ask questions and both of us have to answer it?" 

"Okay..." Newt said. His voice was still low and he stuttered but he sounded more comfortable than when they had first met. "Y-you start?" 

Thomas nodded and thought dor a second or so before asking his questions. "Favourite music genre?" 

"Pop and some rock" 

"Nice! Mine is metal and hard rock." 

"Really? What's your favourite song now?" 

"Primo Victoria" Thomas answered. "It's about the d-day, the 6th of June 1944." 

"That sounds interesting" Newt whispered. 

"Your turn!" 

" uhmm..."Thomas could feel Newt started to shake. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Yeah I'm fine..." Newt whispered. "My question is...A-are you...uhm...straight?" Thomas could barely hear that last word. 

"I dont think so. I dont think I'm gay, maybe bi but I don't know," Thomas frowned. Why did he say that? Of course he was straight! Or was he...? "What about you?" 

"I'm...gay" Newt whispered and something in his voice made Thomas think that the blond boy was smiling from ear to ear...

***

Thomas stared at the clock in the classroom. His math teacher, mrs paige, was talking about some stupid way to solve algebra or something. Thomas didn't care. He wanted the clock to move to 4 PM so he could drive to Newt. He missed the blonde boy and he hadn't seen him for two weeks, Sonya had been sick so he hadn't been able to visit him. And this week was the last week before Christmas break begun and he wouldn't see Newt for another three weeks!

"Mr Edison?" Thomas looked away from the clock when he heard his name being called. Mrs. paige was looking at him. 

"Can you use the way we talked about to solve this problem?" She pointed at the blackboard. Thomas quickly scanned the numbers and quickly answered. "It's 8,97" he quickly said before looking back to the clock. He already knew this, in his class he was one of the smartest students. Mrs paige always tried to make him embarrassed that he hadn't been listening but he always knew the answer. 

When the bell rang Thomas was the first one to leave the building. He grabbed his backpack and jumped into the car. It felt like one second before he was opening the door to the house and walked inside. He heard footsteps running towards him and right when he looked up he saw Newt limping down the stairs. 

"Tommy!" The blond boy exclaimed and smiled brightly when he saw Thomas. 

"Hey Newt!" Thomas said and laughed at how happy he looked. 

"Come upstairs! Quick!" Thomas hung up his jacket and followed Newt upstairs to his room. 

"What is it?" Thomas said and closed the door behind them. Newt opened a drawer and put something from it behind his back so Thomas was unable to see it. 

Newts eyes sparkled and he looked much less paler than he used to be. Thomas was so glad at how healthier the boy looked. Sonya told him that he still had a lot of relapses when he couldn't get out of bed but when Thomas was with him, he always seemed to be happy. 

"We won't see each others until Christmas so I wanted to give you t-this," Newt slowly gave Thomas what he had behind his back. It was a gift, it was wrapped in a red paper and a note was lying on top of it. Thomas eyes widen and he took the small paper and read it. 

_~Merry Christmas Tommy! :) ~_

Thomas looked up at Newt and he stared at the blond boy. "Newt...I'm so sorry but I didn't bring you anything..." 

Newt only laughed. "Dont worry about it. You being here is enough for me! Now open it!" Thomas smiled before quickly opening the gift, he almost passed out when he saw what was inside. It was his and Newts favourite book. But on the first paper inside, the author and three of the actors had signed their names. 

"Newt I-" Thomas was too shocked to even finish the sentence. "That must've cost you a fortune...I cant take it!" 

"Don't worry about the money," Newt said but his smile faded. "I want you to have it. You do like it...right?" 

"Newt, I love it!" Thomas said. "This is the best thing someone has ever given me...thank you!" He looked up at Newt who smiled back at him again. "Thank you so much," He stared into Newts deep brown eyes and without even thinking he dropped the book and pulled him into a tight hug. 

He felt Newt hold onto him and he could feel his own heart beating fast into his chest. He liked this feeling, the feeling of holding Newt close to him. 

"You're welcome...." 

***

Christmas break felt like an eternity. This was the first year that Thomas actually wanted school to begin again. Christmas came and went, a new year arrived and finally, finally, it was time to go back to school. 

The day Thomas was finally able to see Newt again he ran into the house and it didn't even take half a minute until the blond boy had run up to Thomas and hugged him. 

"Happy new year!" He said and held Thomas close to him. 

"Happy newt year Newtie," Thomas said. He pulled away from the hug and saw that Newt had gotten a bit skinnier during the holiday. "How was Christmas?" 

"It was okay I guess but I missed you!" Newt said. "I had some...attacks again..." Thomas frowned and looked down at the wooden floor. Newt hadn't had his attacks since a few months back...

"But dont worry about me!" Newt said and smiled. "How was your holiday?" 

Thomas smiled at him again and started to talk. 

***

Thomas stopped the car outside of Newts house and walked inside. Newt wasn't there to meet him. Apparently he had had a tough weekend, according to Sonya. 

"Newt?" Thomas called out when he walked upstairs. He slowly entered Newts room and the door creeked when he swung it open. Newt was lying on the white bed. His hair was messy and he was shuddering. Thomas could see tears running down his cheeks. 

"Tommy..." Newt whispered. "I'm s-sorry I didn't meet you t-today..." 

"Hey, you dont have to be sorry about anything," Thomas whispered and sat down beside Newt. "Are you okay? What happened?" He helped Newt sit up beside him. 

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this..." he whispered. "I was getting better but then...something happened for exactly...four years ago..." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Thomas asked and put an arm around Newts shoulders. 

"My b-best friend died..." he whispered. His voice cracked and more tears streamed down his face. 

"Oh God, I'm so sorry" Thomas said and pulled Newt close to him. He rocked him back and forth while Newt cried into his shoulder. Thomas had forgotten that Sonya had told him about Newts best friend. Her name had been Haley and she and Newt had been ice skating when the ice suddenly broke and she had died of hypothermia. He should've remembered that! 

"I'm over her death I just...I dont know" he mumbled into Thomas's shoulders. "I guess I still miss her sometimes...I'm so sorrry" 

"Dont be sorry Newt!" Thomas said." Of course you still miss her! And it's okay to be sad and upset sometimes. Youre getting so much better. You're starting to eat more and you seem to be happier than every, right?" 

Newt nodded and looked at Thomas with teary eyes. 

"You're getting better Newtie... I know it will take a while until you're okay but look at you know and six months back! You've changed so much since that and I am so proud of you..." Thomas stared deeply into Newts brown eyes. The blond boy slowly cracked a smile. 

"Thank you Tommy...Thank you so much...I actually have something to tell you," 

"What?" Thomas asked. 

"I talked about this with my therapist, my parents and Sonya and I have decided to do something...that I hope will make you glad" 

"What is it?" Thomas smiled and took Newts trembling hand. He had noticed that that made the boy calm down. 

"I'm going to start school again, to get a fresh start..." 

Thomas stared at Newt. Was he serious? "Really?" Newt nodded. "That's awesome!" Thomas said. "I am so proud of you for coming to that conclusion. I'm so...I'm so proud of you! You're starting to move on Newt," 

Newt smiled at him. "I am getting better, aren't I?" 

Thomas nodded and looked up at Newt. Their eyes met and suddenly Thomas couldn't stop staring at them. They looked more beautiful than ever and he felt something inside of his chest. It was a feeling he hadn't felt before. it was an amazing feeling. 

Newt was staring into Thomas eyes and suddenly he leaned forward and pressed their lips together. Thomas froze but he kissed back. What the heck was Newt doing? What the heck was Thomas doing? He wasn't gay! He couldn't be gay...? 

Thomas pulled away from Newt and stumbled backwards. He dries his lips and stared at Newt in shock."What...?" 

"I'm sorry Tommy!" Newt said and stood up. 

"Why did you do that?" Thomas whispered. His head was filled with all kinds of emotions. 

"I'm sorry!" Newts eyes started to fill with tears and he took a step forward but Thomas quickly stepped back. 

"I need to go..." Thomas said and started to run down the stairs. Newt ran after him and Thomas could hear that he was crying. 

"Please, I'm so-" Thomas slammed the front door right in front of Newts face and ran into his car..he quickly started the engine and drove away the fastest he could. He could feel tears stream down his cheeks but he didn't bother to dry them away. 

He wasn't gay? He couldn't be gay? Why the hell did Newt had to kiss him! Thomas wasn't sure of what he felt anymore! He felt scared and sad but also...he had enjoyed the feeling of kissing Newt. It felt good! Much better than kissing Brenda or anyone else of his old girlfriends. 

Thomas stopped the car outside of his house and ran inside. In the hall he was met face to face with his sister, Teresa. 

"Tom!" She said and jumped back. 

"Hi" Thomas said and looked down at the wooden floor, he didn't want her to see that he had been crying....

"Are you okay..? She whispered. "Have you...have you been crying?" 

Thomas shook his head. "No no, I'm Fine..." he said. 

"Dont lie to me!" Teresa said. She grabbed his arm and led him in to her room. She sat on the bed and Thomas sat down beside her. "What happened?" 

"Teresa...I messed up" he whispered. "I'm so confused..."

"Thomas...start from the beginning. What is the major problem here?" Teresa asked. She looked at her brother with tender eyes and held a hand on his shoulder. 

"I think I'm gay..." Thomas whispered. He looked up at Teresa, she didn't look surprised or disguised or anything. She just smiled.

"I thought you were," she whispered. "Now tell me the rest," Thomas took a deep breath before telling her everything. That he was going to take care of Newt that he had started to like the boy, that they kissed. He told her everything and when he was done, Teresa said the best thing he had ever heard. 

"You think you're gay, you really like this boy, he definitely likes you...my advise is to the next time you see his sister is to ask her to meet Newt some other times a week than when you should, does that sound good?" 

Thomas smiled and nodded. 

*** 

Thomas had been searching for Sonya the entire next day at school but she didn't show up. 

***

Sonya was still nowhere to find 

***

Thomas was starting to get worried. Where was she? 

***

Still no sign of the little blonde haired girl.

*** 

It had been a week and Thomas still hadn't seen her anywhere.

***

Today it was Thomas day to be with Newt. He decides to do it even though he hadn't heard from Sonya at all. 

Thomas felt uneasy when he drove towards Newts house. It felt like something was wrong, he had a weird lump in his stomach that wouldn't go away. When he stopped outside of the white building, he frowned. Every light inside of it was dead and something felt incredibly wrong with it. He stepped outside and tried to open the door but it was locked. That was even more strange, Newt never had the door locked. Thomas swallowed and rang on the door bell. No one came to open the door. 

"What the hell?" Thomas whispered and turned around to leave. He stopped when he saw a white car drive up on the driveway. A woman and a man walked out. The woman had short blonde hair and blue eyes, she was wearing a black dress and her eyes was red and puffy, just like if she had been crying. The man had brown hair and brown eyes. He had a black suit and he hadn't been crying but he did look sad. 

"Hello, can I help you with anything?" The woman said. Thomas understood that it had to be Newts mother. 

"Hi," Thomas said. "I'm looking for N-" he stopped talking when Sonya walked out from the backseat of the white car. Her long blonde hair was messy and tears was streaming down her face. She was wearing a long black dress and she was shaking. 

"Thomas?" She whispered. "What are you doing here?"

"It's Wednesday..."Thomas whispered. "I'm supposed to be with Newt today..." 

Sonya covered her mouth with her hands and started to sob. "Thomas...I'm s-sorry. I forgot to tell you..." she cried. 

Thomas felt tears well up in his eyes. "What happened..?" Where was Newt? 

The woman who Thomas guessed was her mother hugged Sonya and she started to cry too. 

"Newt...is dead," The man said and looked sadly at Thomas. "He killed himself...Me and my family really appreciate you being here for him and we know that you really made him happy...I'm so sorry, kid." 

Thomas stared right in front of him. Newt couldn't be dead? He was getting better! He had finally decided to start to go to school again! He was happy! He couldn't have killed himself! Thomas felt tears start to stream down his face and his chest tightened. He couldn't be gone!? 

"Thomas..." Thomas looked up when he heard Sonyas voice. "I'm so sorry for everything. But...I need to give you something..." Thomas was still too shocked to even realise that he was walking into the house, up the stairs, into Newts room. 

"I-it's my fault he's dead..." Thomas sobbed. He looked around the room and suddenly it felt haunting and scary. The white bed was empty, the chair was empty, the whole room was empty. Thomas was so used to see Newt here. He needed the blond boy to lie on the bed or sit on the chair. It was his fault that Newt killed himself! It was Thomas who pulled away from the kiss, slammed the door in Newts face and ran out! It was his fault! He could feel his hole body shaking. 

"Thomas..." Sonya sobbed. "It's no ones fault...He did it because of himself. Not you or me or my family....Don't blame yourself..." Thomas didn't want to be in this room. Newt had been alive in here. They had laughed, cried, talked for hours about everything and nothing. Two weeks ago everything was perfect! Only two weeks....

"He wrote a note," Sonya continued. "He said that he wanted you to have this b-book," She walked towards the bookshelf and took out a thick book. She gave it to Thomas and he accepted it. It was his favourite one. The one him and Newt always talked about. But Newt had known that Thomas had his own copy. 

Thomas sobbed when he remembered how much Newt and him talked about that book. How happy Newt had looked when they spoke about it, when they saw the movie. He remembered how Newts eyes had sparkled. How beautiful he looked...

"I know it's not much..." Sonya sobbed. "But he wanted you to have it..." 

Thomas hands shook when he opened the book. Inside, on the first page, a letter was lying. Thomas's name was written on it and Thomas noticed that handwriting, it was Newts. He dropped the book on ground when he took the letter. His hands was trembling like crazy when he unfolded the paper and tears was dripping down on it, creating wet spots.

He started to read it. 

_**Hi Thomas, **_

_ **I don't know what to say actually. I'm so sorry for what I did, I guess it's best to start there...I guess that I never really got better...You were the only one who actually made me feel useful and not worthless. My family made me feel better if course but...you were the one who actually helped. But...it was only when you were here. I would never get happy. My life was already ruined or something. ** _

_ **I'm so sorry for what I am about to do but...Right now that is the only way out from this hell hole. Just don't blame yourself. I loved our kiss and I know that you liked it too. You're the only one who wants me to stay, and I'm sorry but...I can't stay anymore. I need to take my broken wings and...learn to fly. You remember the song, right? ** _

_ **Everyday I'm in pain and you were the only painkiller I had. But the pain is too big now. I'm so sorry. ** _

_ **You didn't end my life, you started it. You saved me. I love you for that Tommy. ** _

_ **/Newt ** _

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you think about it and I always appreciate kudos and comments ;)


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